My Dark Vanessa

The review

“Because if it isn’t a love story, then what it is?” 

~

I knew this was going to be a difficult read; that there were disturbing scenes; that Vanessa was a complex character, yet all this preparation made no difference-  every chapter, every detail still shocked me to the core. I have NEVER read a book that made me feel so physically sick. I doubted any book could come close to the emotional turmoil that a little life put me through, but here it is: My Dark Vanessa. The book that made me shiver and my stomach rise over and over again.But with all that said, I think that’s what literature and books and reading should be about. If you don’t have a physical reaction to what you’re reading, then what’s the point? This book was an excellent read, but oh so very painful.  

My hat truly goes off to Kate Elizabeth Russell because writing this book could not have been an easy task, but she truly birthed a character that reflected the naivety commonly seen in teenagers and the lasting effects of grooming and manipulation. Vanessa Wye was a complicated character, and there were times I got frustrated with her choices in the present, but then a single quote would remind that even at 32 years old, she’s a still the same 15 year old girl that was to taught to think she was the ‘initiator’ even though she was a victim from the start. It was sad, but interesting to look at this situation from Vanessa’ point of view, to see her try to conceptualize what happened to her even though you could tell she’s aware of the truth, but she knew that once she admitted it, it would turn all her memories into the opposite of what she thought they once were. A perfect example of how long manipulation tactics stay in effect. It was also interesting to see Vanessa’ opinion on student-teacher relationship, while trying to conceptualize what happened to other students by Strane. I think that’s what makes this book so different than others because it forces you into an uncomfortable situation where you have to question how do you define sexual-abuse? And look at the MeToo movement through the eyes of someone like Vanessa. 

Jacob Strane, the most vilest and disgusting man, but still a well-written character. His character demonstrates how grooming takes place, and the words to say to make a young Vanessa believe what they had was love rather than abuse. I thankfully had teachers that acted appropriate, to my knowledge, but after reading some of the stuff Strane said, I couldn’t help but wonder: Would I also fall prey to someone like Strane? At 15, our moral compass is a bit loss so we cling to anything that seems unique or beautiful in a different sense. By the end of the book, all I could think was, how many young girls have gone through this and, do their lives now look like Vanessa’s? 

This is a book that’s going to stick with me for awhile because even though it was a work of fiction, I feel like I was reading someone’s untold story and that thought alone has really done a number on me. It’s relatable, thought provoking, well-written & paced, and without a doubt one of the best books I’ve read this year. But it’s also a book I don’t ever see myself rereading in the near future. 

I absolutely recommend this book, but as mentioned, this was beyond difficult to read and extremely uncomfortable at times. So if interested, please please check the TWs beforehand !!